Today I decide to step out of my shoes, turn into a third person and observe my own life in phases: school, college and wedded, with respect to what I did, do with the time I had then and now. Indeed going back to the age of innocence does wonders to your look – age lines off; smile lines on!!

Alert: Prepare yourself to read a lengthy post.

School:

Obvious: Majority of the time was spent in school and tuition centers learning stuffs of which not even 5% have been put to use at any later point of time. It was mandatory. So, on with the flow, I went.

Best: I consider myself fortunate having had a fair share of time going out and playing with friends of my age. Instead of cooping myself in front of TV, I spent it wisely by playing and earning more friends in that process.

Loss: Failed to spend time in reading books! Though I had the means (school library and parents income), I capitalized on neither. Despite regular egging from father to read The Hindu every day, I was sporadic. Apart from wondering at my father’s great command over English and the way he came up with write-up for any articles I asked him, at the drop of hat, I did nothing to follow him. Time gave me a chance to ameliorate my vocabulary. I failed to seize it.

I had all the time to learn an art, a new language or a sport and many more. I refused to use it. First seed of abusing time was sowed here.

College:

Obvious: Majority of the time was spent in college and hostel. Having liberated from the locks of tuition, I chose to fly high on the freedom and energy that the term “college” gave. Initial years were spent on adjusting as a hosteller, getting grip of college rules and my responsibilities. Dreaded words such as assignments, presentations, semester exams consumed much of free time and were loathed.

Loss: I would be lying if I said, “I had to fight with the above mentioned demons, so never had time to think of anything else”. In this phase, in addition to time, I had more facilities- laptop, huge library, free yet restricted internet, free supply of newspapers at doorstep, and a chance to make new friends and have fun with them. I had all the time to do whatever I wished for, with all them. Free access to books in all genres- did I spend good amount of time reading them giving food for thoughts? No! Internet – did I use it productively to know how stuffs worked and keep me updated of the latest (apart from using it for study purposes, opening Facebook account and Gtalk)? No! The Hindu showed up yet again – did I make it a habit to read it religiously? No! I was just an occasional headline-gazer! Made friends for life? Yes, but very few! Art/ language/ sport?? – If I didn’t do it at the comfort of my home, you think I would have done it as a hosteler?!

Thus that seed had been watered regularly and grew into a plant. Too much of negativity is not good, right? Let’s see some gains.

Gain: During my post-graduation days, I was mature enough to realize what I missed during under-graduation days and made amends. From being an occasional reader I changed to a regular but cursory reader (!!). I read many books- mainly classics (Jane Austen, my favorite), not those CB, filmy types. It helped me improve my vocabulary to an extent that my father (remember I mentioned how much of a command he has over English) appreciated my language, sensing an improvement in it. Great personal achievement indeed!! With that confidence, I grew wings as a blogger. It opened a vast space for me to connect with people whom I have never met and in the process, gained much knowledge by exchanging mails, comments and having healthy discussions. Spent quality time in library on quality books and made happy memories with friends, staff and the campus itself! All my memories are of different shades of happiness..memories that I hold close to my heart , that I relive often! Friends for life- Yes and now, many!!

Thankfully, I woke up and didn’t let that plant grow into a sapling!

Married life:

Obvious: Initial two months into married life was spent in coming to terms with the fact that I am married, have to manage new responsibilities that tagged along. Good amount of time was spent soaking it all in.

Gain: Spent time in learning new language – Kannada – to speak, read and write! A small step towards my wish of becoming a polyglot! Not wanting to be idle, started working from 3rd month into marriage. Gained exposure to working environment, tasted the feel of earning first-ever salary and experienced a change in the way I perceive life – by observing and learning from differently-abled people in my office, felt I must be thankful for whatever God has gifted me with. By merely co-existing with them, I learned not to take anything for granted, that something which is normal for me is only a dream for many. That, I must say, has had a huge impact on me and I am only thankful for that. Other than these, time was well spent in trying my hand at cooking, gaining experiences to take control of my emotions and actions.

Loss: Being a working woman and taking active part in house chores deprives one off the pleasures of having “my-time”. Thoughts on either work or home kept my mind occupied and personal wishes took a back seat. I realized it yet chose to go with the flow! Time spent in reading papers and books dwindled down.

Those books in my shelf reached out to me with open hands, “come! Let’s venture into new worlds and wade through the sea of imagination!” But, I keep running away! Those papers keep calling me, “come! Let’s know the world!” I turn deaf ears towards those. Those series and films that I collected over years shout out from hard disk, “come! Let’s laugh, cry and wonder together!” I never let them near me. Those days I actively blogged, cry out aloud, “come! Let’s hold hands together, again and create magic with words!” I don’t budge!

I feel I am at loss.. loss of time. By now, I fear that plant has grown into a huge Banyan tree with branches everywhere!!

In various stages of life, I had time at my beck and call. But I have misused, abused, disused and refused to use it, in all possible ways! Now, standing at this junction, I regret having done so. Here is my last word.. Time – the value of which is so less when we have it, so much when we lose it!

PS: If you are here, reading this, thanks for spending your time reading my rant! Means a lot   🙂

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